My Lord and My God, You are all Good, all Powerful, all Merciful. I don't believe I can imagine how beautiful God is, and I have a big imagination...but Medjugorje gave me an experience of the profoundly personal and beautiful relationship with God each person is called to through the beauty that is Our Lady. In Medjugorje, it is like Heaven has come down to earth. I felt the deepest desires of my heart were seen and constantly being revealed to me in prayer. I prayed for most of the 14 weeks I was in Medjugorje, and every day was filled with God's presence, all of the prayer and fasting came completely natural and was desirable while I was there. I experienced my relationship with God in a tangible way, my relationship with God became more real to me than the mountain I was standing on. Every dream in my heart was answered by God while I was there, even the deepest most hidden desires.
When I returned to America, reality hit hard! It was a gamble I took to quit my job to spend that amount of time in Medjugorje, so facing reality, which includes a job hunt during this recession, has been very hard to say the least. I have had to depend on family to be there for me in ways I never dreamed I would need them. Much more of my attention and my presence is with my family now that I live with them and near them. I had to move back to Texas from Washington DC to live with them while I job hunt. Their love and care for me affects them so deeply that I feel so intensely my love for them. I understand issues and dynamics within the family that I wasn't aware of before and I want to be there for them like they have been there for me and help resolve whatever issues I can. I feel this with an urgency I used to have for telling more people about yoga. It's frustrating because I don't see a clear way how to do this...except by prayer, and that is Our Lady's message in Medjugorje. Even when I feel that I am so lost, it seems Our Lady has her hand in my life and will not leave me alone, even when I feel like I am all alone!
It is only God who can fill us from the core depths of who we are and answer our deepest desires. The challenge for me, and I know Im not alone in this, is that reality can take a toll on our faith! To keep one's faith alive, fidelity to prayer is the only way. The more support you have with this journey into prayer, the better. It is not always easy to believe, but it always more beautiful to believe, to strive after God with all our heart and soul, to strive to do something beautiful for God- as Mother Teresa said. During this very trying time, I have and continue to struggle with doubts. The heart of Our Lady's messages is prayer and fasting. I am not perfect, I struggle with living these messages, especially when I'm stressed! But underneath the doubts, struggles, crisis of faith, I KNOW I am running a worthwhile race, the most worthwhile race I can imagine- to see the face of God!
"For the God who said 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to bring to light the knowledge of the glory of God on the face of Jesus Christ." - 2 Corinthians 4:6
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